april 1 meltdown....

* 69. figure out the right thing and do it and be okay with it *

i had one today...a full on, all out, hardcore melt down. and i needed every bit of it. i sold my house today. i think that is what started it. then i had to stand up to someone who is not easy to stand up to. regardless of the fact that i struggle standing up to small babies. then, its that time....needless to say mix that with anything and its a recipe for disaster. i ran really hard today. it was the first hard run of the year. i didnt sleep last night. i had hard hard conversations the last few nights. i feel slightly lost during this transition. i found out i cant keep my cats. i love my cats. i dont want to live without them. i read a blog entry from my childhood best friend about how she lost her beloved nanny. i threw out really sentimental things tonight. i walked through my empty home. and i cried. and cried. and i needed it. someone very close to my heart talked me through it. i felt so childish and weak for loosing it like i did....but, i was told i needed to to be able to move on. and that was so simply the truth. i did need it. and, i feel like i may be able to heal better now. healing takes time, and is a process i have learned. its also a growing process that i am so very thankful for. i learned once in anatomy that if you break a bone, the place where the two parts that were once broken heal, becomes the strongest place on the whole bone. i guess i like to think about life like that. the parts that are most broken and cause the most heartache at the time, through Gods grace can be the parts that give you the most strength over time. i know that one day i will need the strength that will come from going thought this. Gods grace and my life. two of a kind.